There is no way we can live each other’s lives. We cannot truly feel anyone else’s disappointments or heartaches. What we can do is weep with one another and be so close to other’s that they can “feel” us on the darkest days. The types of relationships I am talking about are; close friends, our family even a spouse, those who love us enough to see us through our suffering and provide support that changes how we feel about our circumstances.
Sometimes we choose to reorganize our life and sometimes the choice is made for us. An illness, a marriage, a death, a change in career (chosen or forced), children, even financial changes are things in life that can cause us to pause if not stop to reorganize life in some way or another. Our own thoughts and feelings can sometimes imprison us as we cannot yet see the picture of what our future holds.
We hear the phrase, “new normal” but what does that really mean? In some references/ways it is describing post traumatic growth. I am not minimizing what all post traumatic growth means on a psychological level. What I am trying to do is paint a picture that we all experience perceived traumas (difficulties) throughout life that we will reconcile and recover from over time. How that looks is different in each person’s life.
As I have worked with individuals and couples for the last decade one of the tools I use to help them tangibly view difficulties is a stress assessment. The assessment isn’t anything magical but what it does is assigns a value (number) to changes in life. Those numbers “stress values” translate into the amount of perceived stress someone could be feelings because of change.
When we are walking through times of change, stress, and/or suffering it helps to:
Be honest with ourselves and realistically look at our current situations.
Believe (have faith) that at least some good can come from even the most difficult circumstances in life.
Realize that even though we cannot always clearly see the future, we can stabilize parts of life by focusing on what is really important.
Rely on those, who love us (close friends, family, a spouse) and also care enough to point us toward a new direction.
Sometimes we may need to just be still and know that today everything is not ok, but also realize there is a new tomorrow that holds a future we are not yet able to imagine.
An educational course available that helps people reconcile and reorganize life is available now in self-guided format. Reconciling Through Love allows readers/participants to; “Recall life events safely, Realize life’s realities gently, Reconcile slowly to a “right place” in time and as determined by each individual. Reconciling Through Love is written as self-guided course but can also be used in conjunction with lay therapy or professional counseling.
Visit RealLifeRelationships.org to learn more and to purchase course books (written by Bretta Durham) that are also offered on Amazon.com.