• Bretta Durham

Personal Conflict-Loving Others


Have you ever been in a situation where someone lashes out and you don’t understand why? This type of behavior is hurtful.


How we respond to inappropriate outbursts can further escalate or de-escalate the hurt of the person involved and more importantly our relationships with one another. When unexpected conflict arises we can choose the next steps we personally take.


We can:


Maintain a quiet spirit-silence doesn’t mean agreement. By remaining calm we can listen and just be with someone in the moment. Angry outburst often stem from hurt feelings.


Choose not to respond nor try to fix things immediately. Sometimes are best offense is de-escalation through affirmation. We can repeat what someone is saying and ask if we have understood correctly.


Try to access where the conflict is really coming from. Looking at outward circumstances and personal situations can help us to better understand. Knowing someone and remembering the good (their character traits) is also sometimes part of conflict resolution.


Keep the focus on permanent reconciliation or at the least continued growth. If we care about the person and the relationship we will take the time and make the effort to continue to work things out. Life struggles aren’t usually a one time done and fixed event.


Forgive, for yourself and for the protection of the relationship. We all need forgiveness how can we not understand the importance of also giving it to others. When we truly love others we will be willing not only to forgive and but also more forward. Forgiveness is one way we are healed from the inside out.


A few more things to remember when attempting to love others when they are not acting in love toward us.


None of the above responses negate accountability. We shouldn’t make excuses for bad behavior. We as individuals are responsible for our own actions and reactions.


Communication “in the moment” is not usually a well thought out response or even necessary. Time is something we can give others and helps us to prepare so that we can communicate better.


We will have difference of opinions and disagreements we can work through sometimes quickly and other times eventually.

Problems do usually arise overnight and sometimes take time to resolve slowly.


We also have all had a bad day and the person we take our bad day out on isn’t necessarily deserving. Give grace freely as necessary and within boundaries.


Reconciling Through love is a self-guided course book that is available and may help provide a assistance to the process of healing over time.


Loving Others is another course book that allows couples to work through conflict, problem solve better, and communicate in a way that protects and benefits a relationship with the ones we love long-term.


To learn more visit the website http://www.RealLifeRelationships.org on the site you can also find more information about the book Love Forever and the self-guided course books Loving Others, Loving Yourself, and Reconciling Through Love.