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  • Bretta Durham

Remodeling Relationships

Anytime a home is remodeled there are things that are kept and things that are changed. How we go about the process of remodeling further builds up or can tear down not only the surface structures but can also affect the foundations and value of a home.

In so many ways, our relationships could be compared to the processes of building, remodeling, and rebuilding of a “home”.

The building of a relationship can be an exciting time. In the beginning, we have many opportunities to start “laying down foundations” that can eventually add to the basic strength or weakness of a relationship.

As we begin to know someone our trust of a person also begins to develop. If trust can be established, our dependence (social, emotional, physical) may further develop. Out of personal knowledge, established trust and repeated dependability, commitment to and within a relationship may become a priority.

Remodeling relationships becomes necessary as we personally grow, intentional or unintentional mistakes are made, and as we realize becoming a better us together sometimes requires change.

Tearing down our relationship by; not valuing each others' opinions, not being honest, acting in disrespectful ways are all things that can threaten the viability of commitment. Self-centeredness is also something we can remodel often for the good of “us”. One person being the top/only priority does not a mutual relationship make.

Rebuilding a broken relationship takes effort and long-term commitment. Commitment to our relationships could even be viewed as the core structure that continues to protect the foundations of long-term term relationships.

Rebuilding can start after we learn how to better recognize broken areas, reconcile mistakes, (including self-centered attitudes and behaviors) and remain faithful to the commitment of “us” being a priority.

Commitment in essence can hold a relationship together as we work toward new and improved, and some might even say better than ever.

The statement “Sticks and stones may break my bones but words can never hurt me”, is one example of how we can be hurt and hurt one another sometimes on purpose and other times accidentally. Sticks and stones could be compared to unexpected life events and personal choices that can trip us up and in turn can contribute to relationships breaking down.

On the other hand, words (spoken or written) can and do hurt our feelings sometimes. Words can harm us and our relationships as they affect us emotionally.

Recognizing the sticks and stones of life (things that trip us up) and not using our words as weapons is another way we can remodel our relationships for a lifetime.

Looking for and working toward a new “best” us and “better” relationships gives us our greatest opportunity to have sustaining relationships that can support us personally long-term.

Real Life Relationships self-guided course books are available to help people start building, remodeling, or rebuilding personal and relational foundations.

Loving Yourself, is for individuals needing to evaluate and make personal changes. Loving Others, is for couples who want to understand more, communicate better, and support one another long-term. Reconciling Through Love offers an opportunity for individuals to recall past events safely, realize gently and reconcile toward an individual “right place” over time.

Visit to learn more. On the site you will find more information about the book Love Forever and the self-guided course books (under the courses tab) Loving Others, Loving Yourself, and Reconciling Through Love.

You can also contact Bretta through the site for additional in-person or online support.


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